Week 14!

Week 14: April 27, 2012

136 lbs, Bust 33, Waist 34, Hips 39

I can’t believe the first trimester is already over!  On Monday April 16^th, we told Tim’s co-workers in the evening at a work party.  So, in the morning I called Laura to tell her first.  It was late at night in China.  I didn’t want Tim’s co-workers to be the first to know.  Over the weekend, we told Tim’s family and friends at Annika’s 3^rd birthday party.  I did a 3^rd year quiz, so on one of the questions I said “What is Annika going to be on Oct. 26 or sooner?”  “A Big Sister” was the answer.  Surprisingly, a few people who I rarely see or know very well said they “knew”, while other people – close friends and Tim’s family, didn’t.  That was weird.  I was wearing a ruffled flower dress that I thought hid it well, but apparently not.  We have been telling other people as we see them.  We won’t see my family until the end of May/early June.  Heather is going to be SO mad at me!  I’ll be 17 weeks when I see her!

I have been doing doula research and childbirth class research and I’m getting down, overwhelmed and disheartened that I probably won’t get what I want for a childbirth experience again!  I already have no option for the birth I really want – a water birth.  In order to have a water birth I’d have to have a homebirth, and having not ever been through vaginal delivery before, I don’t think I am ready for that.  Also, a lot of midwives won’t do a VBAC at home.  I actually don’t really want a home birth this time, because I think I would be too nervous, and wouldn’t be able to relax enough.  My option, at this point, is to have a VBAC with the Vanderbilt Midwives, but I’m not thrilled about all the hospital protocols.  Continuous monitoring, which limits movement to about 5 feet, no hydrotherapy (because of the monitor) and an IV lock (in place “in case” of an IV need) are all protocol.  That does not seem anywhere near the birth I want, but it’s better than a cesarean. Every time I go to the office, I am asked to sign the VBAC consent form, which I am not ready to do.  I am getting frustrated, because many people think these protocols are “no big deal”, even many doulas (it’s a sacrifice we need to make in order to have the option to deliver in the hospital with a midwife, as opposed to a even more “medical model” OB).  The most supportive person is Laura, as always.  I’m really close to just giving up even caring and just “going with the flow” and forget about having anything I want.

I am still having a hard time fitting in exercise, eating well, and water.  I can’t completely give up coffee either (I have 6 oz or one latte with one shot of espresso – 75 – 120 mg caffeine) a day.  My midwife said she’s not worried about that amount.  I also don’t remember feeling so repulsive at 14 weeks with Annika.

I felt the baby move for the first time on today!  It was a surprising treat!  I don’t remember it so early last time.  Phyllis is visiting this week, which is very nice.  She is going to watch Annika so Tim and I can go to Weekend to Remember (Family Life Ministries) http://www.familylife.com/weekend .